Satire: Coddled, Rich Teen gets Bored of Privilege

Frustrated teenager from the posh suburb of Newton, Massachusetts says she should would rather live in some third world country, or at least Boston, and experience real struggle. She has everything that I could ask for in life, but she just can’t seem to buy some hardship as well. Tired of state of the art resources at her school and heated school buses, she craves discomfort and real conversations. Although her life isn’t entirely easy, right now, she is combating a severe case Senioritis and struggling with not being able to struggle.

She exclaims there’s no way life is actually this boring. “I’m not going to complain about being born without consent, but fate should have at least tried to plan an obstacle or two in my life.” She blames movies and books for making life seem more interesting. She adds that she doesn’t think she’s asking for too much. “I’m not asking the world to make it rain spaghetti and meatballs. All I want is occasional surprises like finding a million dollars in my backyard and learning that time travel is possible.”

Her school’s rich culture of students bragging about how little sleep they get and the diverse student body who all think they’re the Next Big Thing and ivy league graduate is the one reason why she wakes up energized at 5am every morning. “I go to school everyday grateful for the high quality education that I know I’m receiving.” Explaining how learning makes her life somewhat more interesting, she fondly recalls the time her teachers explained to her the need to be intellectually curious and later proceeded to tell her the question is not in the curriculum so the answer is irrelevant. She says its mind opening conversations like these that make her feel like her education has really taught her life skills like taking notes quickly, avoiding eye contact with a teacher to not get picked on, and determining when she can just read the SparkNotes page.

After moving to a foreign third world country, she says life suddenly got more interesting. She was shocked to learn there were people who actually had problems beyond complaining about school food and procrastinating while complaining about not receiving enough time on assignments. “It turns out some people don’t have access to running water,” she said. “But it’s better than having to take a test during X block.”

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